A part from my diary

It was nearly 2.30pm and I was on my way to my english class that I supposedly thought was to start at 1 pm. I was worried. I didn't want my attendance to be marked as absent from class. Better late than never, I thought that maybe rushing into class and signing a last minute attendance was going to save me from failing the course.

I was keeping my eye on the road thinking and thinking about how to overcome my worries as my mum drove the white van to my apartment. I heard that being worried about worldy things would get you into trouble. So I kept thinking of God to relieve my worries. I kept thinking, if I actually miss class, then maybe that would be God's decision for me. I kept thinking, if I fail my course, then maybe God would have better plans for me in the future. Those thoughts helped me during the rush hour. But I was still constantly asking God to send blessings upon His last messenger because I was still worried. The lazy me fell asleep and missed the previous night prayer. Up till now I still feel ashamed.

"Don't you want to go to class first?" my mum asked, "You can leave your bags with the gaurds instead."

"Its Ok," I replied, "theres plenty of time to go up to my apartment and leave the bags in my room."

I tried smiling in patience. Smiling is what the Prophet of God would do. What a fine example to follow.

I reached the apartment and noticed Fendy and Ardi still sleeping in the living room. I woke them up and asked why they weren't attending the english class.

"Isn't English tomorrow?" replied one of them. I was relieved. Thank you God, thank you!

My mum dropped me by the main college gate after I left my bags in the apartment. I wanted to hang around in college to do something useful, maybe read some books or finish editing the Amity Camp videos. Oh yea, the videos. Its been such a pain editing them now that my old laptop was stolen and sold away. The more I think about my stolen laptop, the more frustrated I get. I'm sure God let it happen for a reason.

I entered the class occupied by semester 3 students. They were having a tutorial design session. Mr. Hayazi didn't mind me sitting around to see what was going on during the session. I took out the book "Inilah Akidah Muslim" and read it while I enjoyed my time bugging Irfan while was working on his 3D work. Bella eventually saw me reading the book, and told her friends out loud what book I was reading. I covered the title of the book from them to prevent myself from getting the "show off" feeling.

Attraction can weaken your faith. I couldn't stop laying my eyes on one of the students. I find it hard to lower my gaze since her clothing had attractive colours; a pink headscarf that matched with a white-combined-with-pink skater shoe. If my memory serves me right, she was wearing the usual jeans with the three-quarter long sleeve shirt. Her clothing may have some modesty in it (in which she has my respect because of the headscarf she wore) but the modesty isn't fulfilled since she wears cute clothing that catches your attention. I want to tell her, but I've never conversed enough with her to tell her straight in the face that what she wears isn't religiously correct. I don't want to be questioned in the day of resurrection for not telling.

I want to love God above all. I want Him in my heart at all times. But all these worldly obstacles distract me. Its like my faith keeps fluctuating. O Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful, forgive me for forgetting, verily you are the One Who never forgets.